This is my best buddy. Mommy's little boy. I think he looks so pretty here.....
:)
Monday, August 27, 2007
Thursday, July 05, 2007
July 5th, 2007
I'm posting an update. Maybe no one will read it, but since essentially I am doing this blog for me that's ok.
I have lost 9.5 more pounds for a total as of a year ago today of 82 pounds.
Mr. Betta died yesterday. It was very sad. I cried like a baby. Lots of people would say it was just a fish. But it wasn't to me. He was given to me by someone I care deeply about, so there was the sentimental part of the loss. I had Mr. Betta for a year and he was a truly beautiful Betta fish with his own personality. No matter who or what, human or animal, big or small, when the breath of life leaves a being, I think it is very sad. It always seems so.... final.
I hope God has a very large aquarium and Mr. Betta is up there with Him swimming around happily. I Hope.
:(
I have lost 9.5 more pounds for a total as of a year ago today of 82 pounds.
Mr. Betta died yesterday. It was very sad. I cried like a baby. Lots of people would say it was just a fish. But it wasn't to me. He was given to me by someone I care deeply about, so there was the sentimental part of the loss. I had Mr. Betta for a year and he was a truly beautiful Betta fish with his own personality. No matter who or what, human or animal, big or small, when the breath of life leaves a being, I think it is very sad. It always seems so.... final.
I hope God has a very large aquarium and Mr. Betta is up there with Him swimming around happily. I Hope.
:(
Saturday, February 24, 2007
New post 2-23-07
I have had a really rough time the last few months.
Back in November, I convinced myself that I could take 2 days "off" of eating low carb for Thanksgiving.
Maybe some could, but not me.
Oh, no. I forgot (or was in denial of) the fact that I have an alcoholic, addictive personality.
I struggled to get back on track, but then Christmas came and..... oh. Now I'm crying. I gained about 20 pounds back. Oh, God, how I hated that! I hated the way it made me feel, physically and emotionally. I swore I wouldn't do it and I DID!
It was hell. Pure hell. Every single day I fought to get my carbs back down. Every day for awhile (too long!) I failed. I gave up logging them for almost two weeks. That was even worse. That was way more dangerous for me. No accountability at all.
I yelled, I cried, I was furious, I prayed. I begged God to help me. Nothing seemed to be working.
Finally. Oh, yes.... finally I was reigning in the carbs. I waited a few more weeks. Then I went to get weighed. Judgement time. I needed to find out whatever it was, the good, the bad, or the ugly.
I lost all of whatever I had gained back and 12.5 more pounds!!! Praise God. I did it!
I'm finding out that this is a lifelong struggle. This is NEVER going to be easy for me. I've accepted that. We all have our "crosses to bear" in this life and obviously this is one of mine.
Seventy pounds.
Who would have thought it?
:)
Back in November, I convinced myself that I could take 2 days "off" of eating low carb for Thanksgiving.
Maybe some could, but not me.
Oh, no. I forgot (or was in denial of) the fact that I have an alcoholic, addictive personality.
I struggled to get back on track, but then Christmas came and..... oh. Now I'm crying. I gained about 20 pounds back. Oh, God, how I hated that! I hated the way it made me feel, physically and emotionally. I swore I wouldn't do it and I DID!
It was hell. Pure hell. Every single day I fought to get my carbs back down. Every day for awhile (too long!) I failed. I gave up logging them for almost two weeks. That was even worse. That was way more dangerous for me. No accountability at all.
I yelled, I cried, I was furious, I prayed. I begged God to help me. Nothing seemed to be working.
Finally. Oh, yes.... finally I was reigning in the carbs. I waited a few more weeks. Then I went to get weighed. Judgement time. I needed to find out whatever it was, the good, the bad, or the ugly.
I lost all of whatever I had gained back and 12.5 more pounds!!! Praise God. I did it!
I'm finding out that this is a lifelong struggle. This is NEVER going to be easy for me. I've accepted that. We all have our "crosses to bear" in this life and obviously this is one of mine.
Seventy pounds.
Who would have thought it?
:)
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