Catch Up

June 9th, 2015

A few days ago was my youngest sister, Chris's birthday: June 6th. She is 13 years younger than me, so that makes her the big Five-Oh. I wonder how she feels about that....
She doesn't like me, my youngest sister. Never has and probably never will. Not sure why... but I have a theory that she doesn't like the fact that knowing me and being around me is like looking into a mirror.  We're both very controlling and don't allow people to push us around.    She knows, though, in many ways I am better at what I do than she is at what she does. Just for example, when mom was in the nursing home, Chris called the nursing home to try to get mom in from the hospital for much needed P.T. Chris ran into quite a bit of government red tape. It was too much for her. I told her I would call. I called and snapped the whip. Told them I wasn't going to listen to their B.S. and did what I needed to and said what I said and and within 2.5 hours I had mom admitted and a room number for her. Yes.... I'm good.
There was a time when I could never have thought that, let alone said that. But I *am* good in some things and I am no longer afraid to say so.

There are other reasons Chris doesn't like me. She used to be a Jehovah's Witness and I never was and am not. I am a born again, saved by Christ, bible believing Christian. And proud of it. God called me into an "anti-cult"ministry and that was all the more reason she had to exhibit and harbor pure and unadulterated disdain. To her and the rest of my siblings and then later when mom became involved I was an enemy. I never could figure out why it was okay for her to go "door to door" knocking on people's doors early Saturday and Sunday mornings when working people might want to sleep in for an hour or two, but it was NOT okay for me to talk to people about how Jehovah's Witnesses didn't listen to the bible, but only whatever the "governing body" said. But then things have never been on a level playing field with my "family". No, it has always been do as we do and act as we act or else you don't belong. No, you don't belong and you don't get included in things such as family talks, all the cook-outs and having a word or say about the TV that all the rest of the kids are going in together and buying for mom and dad's anniversary. Nope, you get no say. But (and listen carefully) if you say anything.... anything at all about it, like "Why do you guys treat me so differently than everyone else?" then they start hollering that you are a narcissist and all you ever do is think of yourself. Sigh....

Oh, I guess I could go on and on, but at the risk of one of them seeing this and calling me a narcissist again, I'll stop here and just wait to put it all in my book I will be authoring one day. I *will* say this: I am going on what I think. Every single one of them have never just one on one told me what they think I have done to them. I have NO idea! That is frustrating to me and sad....
Also, pertaining to Chris and all the rest of them? I love them all, each and every one of them. And if any of them ever come to their senses and realize how short life is and want to talk.... I am HERE.

Today has been a long day. I woke tired to the point of not feeling rested. I listened to 4 hours of O.A. meetings again last night. I am struggling... I need the meetings. I need the others' experience, strength and hope.

I haven't done too badly with my food today but I could have done better. I can't wait until there are meetings tonight.
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